Monday, December 10, 2012

#103

I have had a very busy past couple of weeks with positive and negative.  I went to water aerobics and learned how easy it was to do and also how easy it was to over do it.  My third class I pulled a muscle in my back and did too much in my leg.....it was really bad!  I could hardly deal with the pain in my back but the worst was I started running a fever and couldn't  stop shaking. I thought I was getting a sinus infection.  NO.  It was my leg and the lymphodema, it had gotten infected from over work.  It swelled up and was red and hot to the touch!  It was awful!!  I got some antibiotics and was okay in a couple of days but it was not fun at all.  Then my back...it gets to feeling better then starts hurting again.  I have gone back and forth for three weeks!  So, because it is still giving me pain I will let them know tomorrow, even though they really can't do anything about it.

On the good news side, our SS class gave us money to help us out at Christmas, it was such a blessing, and caught us so off guard!  God is just so wonderful in taking care of us!  We may have found our home church and I am so happy that I just can't put it into words.  I have been making gifts for the ladies at the doctors office.  I'm excited and can't wait to see their faces :))  It will be a good Christmas :)

Monday, November 19, 2012

#  103

I have been doing really well since my last scans and I have been feeling very grateful.  Every chance I've had I have been letting people know how awesome God is and what He has done for me.  Perfect timing to Thanksgiving :)  I started going to the YMCA for my physical therapy since my insurance won't cover any more PT.  My therapist told my about the Y offering free water aerobics for people with arthritis.  The Arthritis Foundation offers it for people just like me.  :))

So I have gone to two classes and I am having a blast for so many reasons!  First I can move in so many more ways while in water that it makes me excited to think I'm moving that hip joint and keeping it loose...yay!!  But, boy does it wear me out in a good way :)   So I go into aerobics and I am the youngest one there by 25 to 30yrs.  It is so much fun listening to these 6 to 8 sweet, older ladies and 3 to 4 older men.  Some joke and ask about spouses .... others laugh and flirt... it is just too much fun!  Now the icing on the cake....this young life guard, I mean like my son's age around 20 was giving me the eye!!  He only talked to me and no one else going in then coming out with a bunch of smiles it made me roll laughing!  I am sooooo not a cougar!  Bwahahahahahahaaaa!!!!  And the way this cancer has deformed me?  I just couldn't stop laughing!   So I head back today with my mother-in-law to see if she would like to try and WHAM-O!!  He struck again!  I was laughing the whole way home AGAIN!  Well, the PT is wonderful the golden oldies are adorable and my own personal flirt makes me laugh hysterically.  It has been a good week.

One more wonderful thing this week, well maybe two.  We got a visit from a friend who sponsored a drive for the school to help give needy families enough food for Thanksgiving dinner.  She gave us four boxes of food and TWO turkeys!  We have been pretty tight lately due to some unexpected expenses....it was just an answer to prayer and I thank God for it.  He is so good to us and we just cried and thanked Him as we stood around the table... :))  The other half of the good weekend...a church has asked Ben to be their Pastor.  So we need some prayer cover...my husband and I want to follow God's lead so we will be praying if this is the right place.  Like we always do, we will follow Him. :)

Thursday, November 1, 2012

#  102

I haven't have a chance to post my good news which makes my last post pointless except to say that I had to go through the whole weekend being very down.  I received a phone call from my doctor late Monday afternoon after having gone through the whole weekend thinking that my end was rushing at me much quicker than I was expecting.  He said he had very good news, that my scans were not read correctly.  Let me see if I can explain...I took a CT scan in Feb. of this year and another two weeks ago.  I also took a PET scan in July.  My radiologist was comparing the two CT scans which is normal procedure.  BUT, it would have very different reactions from the radiologist because in Feb I had no cancer in my liver at the time.  But in July I did.  So he was looking at growth that he thought was brand new.

My doctor noticed the discrepancy in my tumor marker numbers and called the radiologist to see what he did.  Then had him compare July with 2 wks ago.  Needless to say, he saw the cancer and how SMALL it had gotten!!  So my doctor was telling me that everyone was jumping and shouting for joy!!   Well, SO WAS I!!!  So I am sticking with this chemo for a while and we will see how small we can get this cancer to go!!  Actually it doesn't matter what the chemo does, it's all God anyway!  PRAISE GOD!!  PRAISE GOD!!

Sunday, October 28, 2012

#  101

I didn't get good results from my scans on Friday.  If you have never been through it, it is hard to describe how it makes you feel.  I never break down or freak out and I know that is just me leaning on the Father, but it will eventually make the tears come.  My scans showed that it has grown quite a bit in my liver, I now have a spot in my right lung and it has started growing again in my bones.  I have now crossed over into scary.  I say that but you need to understand what is scary to me.  I'm not afraid to die at all.  That is going home for me.  But being in a lot of pain or turning neon yellow scares me because I DO NOT want my kids to see me like that!  I had a dear, sweet friend in Virginia who found tumors on her liver and she glowed yellow and was gone in 3months.  It was hard to watch, but so joyful to see her go in her sleep to be with our Savior.

I find that tears are always close to the surface.  Ben was in the kitchen cooking chili (it was awesome!)  when I walked in and he asked if he should add tomatoes and I said yes.  His response,"I'm so glad you are here to tell me how to do this right :)"  I burst into tears!  I hate the thought of leaving my best friend here or my kids here.  I want to help them in their life to come.  I want to be the helpmeet for my husband and I want to continue to be his confidant.  I know where I will be, but it is hard to imagine the hole I will leave.  Okay Robin, God can take care of your family better than you can!  Say that again till you feel it in your toes!!

We do all we can to laugh and praise God through all of this, my youngest said, "How unfair that you get to skip out early and miss everything getting worse until the rapture!!"  I responded with..."hate that for ya!"  We all laughed, then Patsy started crying.  My boys try to be strong and
are happy when I start joking...it is just too close to the surface.  Or should I say too close to the heart.  I just never dreamed this would be happening to me at the ripe young age of 42.  We wanted to be young when we had our kids so we would be young when they had their kids.  I always regretted that my father never had a chance to meet my kids. He would have loved them!  Now there is a big possibility that my kids will say that about me.

Okay, here is where I get into trouble....God can still cure me if He wants too.  I can't dwell on the what if's.  It will depress me too much and on the flip side if I focus too much on Heaven then I won't want to fight to stay here!  Is that crazy?!!  Father, please help me to be ready for either eventuality.  I can do this with your help but only Yours.  Thank-you for the prayers, I have needed every single one of them!  I love you all, my friends and family.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

#  100

After beating myself up at Universal Studios on the 8th of Oct. I came home and was in bed for a week and a half.  Taking pain pills and using ice packs and heating pads...LOL!!  Two weeks later I am feeling good and a special thanks to my Physical Therapist Diane.  She was very good to me and had me feeling so much better.  God is sooo good to me to allow me to go the Florida in the first place, but I think I covered all that in my last post.  So, on to tomorrow....

Well I go in for a CT scan tomorrow which means I have to drink the nasty, chalky stuff.  I feel really good but that really doesn't mean anything with me.  The last time I felt really good it had gone to my brain.  LOL!!  So I go in to these scans knowing that I'm in God's hands.  There is nothing I can do about what they find except be okay with whatever comes.  I have had so much prayer and I know it is what has gotten me to this point, but it truly has been a learning process.  I love that God holds me in His hands and wants what is best for me, so like the three Hebrew children, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednigo I can say with all my heart, " My God is able to heal me, but if He chooses not to I will still serve Him!!"  Just like Ps. 63:3 Because His lovingkindness is greater than life, my lips will praise You!  So if you read this blog I always appreciate prayer cover, thank-you, because who you are praying to is the one holding my life in His hands (and yours as well :).

On a different line my husband has put his name out to Pastor again.  He has taken the last two years off while we battled for my life and now that I am doing well and feeling well the call on his heart has become unbearable.  He needs to be preaching again.  We felt God moving and knew it was coming but we would love to have some prayer cover so we will make the right decision and go where He wants us.  We want to serve and will do whatever he wants us to do.  He has preached at two different churches and we are going somewhere else next week.  I am enjoying the variety of church bodies, so I feel good about wherever we may go, but that doesn't matter.  God has our church picked out for us and I am ready to find it :)  It is very calming to know that God knows where we will land, I'm getting excited about it.  I'll keep everyone posted about my scans which I will know on Thursday and about our church status.  Thanks for the continued prayers, I can't make it a day without them :)  Love you all!!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

#  99

Okay, there is so much to cover I will try not to take too long in saying it.  But, it is all good :))  I was wanting to take a trip with my husband down to Tampa to visit my sister and we had so many things happen that I just couldn't do it.  So my sister calls and says that she wants to buy me and my daughter plane tickets so we can come down for a visit.  I cried for days every time I'd think about it!  My daughter was beside herself since she has never been on a plane before and we were going to Universal Studios as well.

We started to plan and laugh and be so excited we could hardly breath!  Then my sister sends a text and says she needs me to speak to her ladies and give my testimony since they were going through "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge.  Okay, I don't mind doing that because I've read the book and it changed my life.  So if God receives glory, I'm totally okay with that.  Then she sends another text...now I'm singing in the choir and singing a solo.  Feeling a little nervous now... but I would love to participate!  So the day is getting nearer and nearer we are coming undone.  Oh, wait, one more text...my sister got a hold of my Aunt Betty and my cousin Melissa and we were spending Friday with them.  I'm not sure I could feel any happier!

So the day arrives and off to the airport we go!  We leave from Tri-Cities to Charlotte then to Tampa.  It was short trips and Patsy was all about pics and looking out the window :)  We arrive to 85 degree weather....yeah.  We get off the plane and both Patsy and I are starving so Patina takes us to the Cheesecake Factory.  It was delicious but it always is.  We laughed and talked and headed to her house via a short tour of her church and neighborhood.  We spent the evening with Patina and Shawna looking at old pictures and planning for the next day with Aunt Betty at the beach.  Patsy and I went to bed happy and pleasantly tired.
Friday we woke packed up some stuff and put on our suits to head to Anna Maria Island.  We went to Aunt Betty's and met Melissa there.  We hugged, laughed, cried, and packed up in Melissa's van and headed to the beach.  We had lunch at Mr. Bones which was awesome then headed to the water.  It was perfect!  Clear, sea foam green water at about 80-85 degrees and beautiful white sands.  We got into the water and didn't want to get out...it was dreamy :))  We headed back to Aunt Betty's and I was feeling pretty tired so we pulled out her old pics and everyone sprawled out and passed pics around and walked and laughed down memory lane.  It was a night I won't forget! :))
Saturday was spent just hanging out with Patina, Patrick and Shawna.  We hung out in her pool, played a blind taste test game...watched Youtube...it was so much fun!
Sunday was incredible! To be a part of the choir, to praise and worship with my sister's church, to hear my niece sing, and my nephew play the guitar I was overwhelmed.  Then I had a chance to give my testimony to Patina's class.  God was present and I'm thankful for His blessing.  I was able to share and God blessed, He is just so faithful.  The icing on the cake for me was that Aunt Betty and Melissa with her girls were able to come that Sunday morning.  We all went to lunch and caught up even more if that is possible.  It was just so wonderful :))
On Monday morning it was time to head to Universal Studios.  I don't have enough words to say how awesome this was!!  It was me, Patsy, Shawna, Patina and Debbie.  We rented a wheelchair and were able to take the fast track on the rides.  It was really awesome and I wasn't hurting at all. The rides were so smooth and fun that I was overjoyed!  Until the last ride which was Spiderman 3D and it shook and jarred me so bad I was hurting pretty good by the time we got back to the house.  I used the heating pad that night and it was relieving, but when we got home (back to TN)  I was in so much pain I was crying.
I learned my lesson the hard way, my back and good hip had pulled muscles so last week was spent in bed with pain pills and heating pads.  But I was able to go and I thank God for it.  I go for more scans in two weeks so I'm anxious to get that done and see where I stand.  I don't feel worried, I feel like God is still in control :))  I love Him for giving me a weekend with my sister, it was wonderful, thank-you Father :))

Monday, September 24, 2012

#  98

It's funny how life changes like a flowing river.  I have been going to treatments and have been so thankful for the doctors and nurses.  They are like my church family, it's my doctor family :)  All of my chemo nurses are Christians and we share prayer requests frequently.  One of them shared a request for a man who discovered he had a brain tumor.  I prayed for him, his wife and children.  In two months God took him home.  That was about a month ago....I still pray for the wife and kids and talking with my nurse we were discussing how she is doing.  What came up?  All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.  As we talked about the wife I found myself asking on her behalf...Father, I know you want  what is best for us and I hurt for her, please ease her pain.  Then I find myself asking how this is good for her?  Then my thoughts drift to me....why am I still here?  It could have so easily been me that died.  I have come so close to death so many times that I have asked why more than I can count.  Over the past couple of months I have had a lot of time to focus on the Father.  It is emotional going through all these ups and downs with this cancer and learning to let go and trust that He really does love me and want the best for me.  He showed me so many times in scripture that He makes promises and keeps them, that He wants me to trust Him so I let go.  I let go of this fear that rears it's ugly head when I get tired or get a bad scan...I just let go.  I love Psalm 63:3 "Because your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips will praise you."  Better than LIFE!  No matter what comes my way.....better than life.  Praise God He is good and I will praise Him!  I know the lady who lost her husband is hurting, but maybe His reason for taking him was because he would have been in horrible pain or crippled or I don't know, BUT my Father does!  So I go on the roller coaster but I get to sit in His hands as I go.  I'm learning to be very okay with that.  I love you Father, and I trust You.  Thank-you for letting me stay and be a part of the ministry you have planned for me.  I get to praise you and I will continue to do so until you call me home because your lovingkindness is better than life.  May I glorify You with all that I am!