Blog #36

I had a rough week this week. It is hard to deal with the mental attacks, and sometimes it feels constant. My hip has been giving me some pain and it has made me feel so stressful. When you have cancer it is always first and foremost in your mind when there is any pain in your body. It screams at you, "it's the cancer!!!!". It is right irritating! Needless to say I was feeling like the cancer was reaking havoc in my body and every time I started to hurt it was like a siren went off in my head, "See, it is the cancer and it is still growing. You are going to die and it doesn't matter what you do to fight it."
I know that fighting this is something that I need to do mentally more than anything else. And the incredible thing is that I got to see God moving in the smallest, most significant ways this week. That He loves me enough to do these things to let me know that He still cares for me and wants me to trust Him, is overwhelming!!
I had people call, people come up at church, texts sent that people were praying for me. I was worried that people weren't praying as much since we are in E. TN but God difinitely showed me that He still has people praying for me....how loved that made me feel!! I even received a card from someone I don't know, letting me know that she is praying for me!! I needed it so much that I was a huge crying, grateful mess!!! I made Patsy pull out Joseph and play the song that he sings while in the dungeon. "You know better than I" Wow. I don't need to say anything else. I am so thankful that He loves me and is taking care of me!!!
It gets hard and He never said it would be easy, I am just so grateful that He will go through it with me. I don't want to go through this alone :) (i'm not strong enough by myself)