#  90

I have had a very busy past couple of weeks and haven't had a chance to blog.  I got some crazy good news  about my MRI.  My brain scan showed no new growth and receding on multiple spots.  Overall a very good report so I asked, "If it has improved, will it continue to improve?"  I got a resounding, "YES!"  Needless to say Ben and I and the rest of my friends and family are just overjoyed!  I know that my God is in control and even if they reported it was worse, it would have been sad, but not scary.  I trust Him with my life. :))  When we got home we had friends come in for the night with their kids.  It was great to catch up with them!  They were both in my teen/college class when I was back in Virginia and to see them married and successful with three beautiful children was such a blessing to me it is almost indescribable!!  We sat out under the deck with a fire going and ate marshmallows then had waffles for breakfast in the morning before they headed back north.  We talked and laughed the whole time...again I love to laugh!! :))

As we drew closer to the weekend I noticed that I wasn't feeling real well.  Like nauseous, not feeling well.  But those that know me know I am going to try to keep going, which I did.  I was having a 31 party on Saturday.  I had a great party and got to sit and chat with two ladies from church that I have wanted to chat with for a long time, it was a wonderful afternoon. :))  But after they left I went to lie down and it wasn't long before I was shivering with a low grade fever!  I called in a prescription and my son went to pick it up Sunday afternoon and found out I could't take it with my chemo, I would have to change antibiotics.  Which meant I would have to wait to see the doctor.  Well the fever went away and Monday night my brother and his wife and four kids showed up at 11:30 pm.  Oh Happy Day!!!  We stayed up till 2am just catching up and laughing it was wonderful!  The next day they went to Gatlinburg for their son's birthday while I went to the doctor.  I got home that afternoon and was running another fever.  I called back to the doc's and they called in another prescription that I could take.  That evening we went to Wednesday night Bible Study and I taught the teens.  The next day we went to the river with a natural sand bar and huge beach, it was perfect!!
The walk in and out was hard for me and by the time I got back to the truck I was absolutely exhausted!  As my brother and his family left the next day I can't even describe the mix of feelings that went through me.  I wish we lived closer, wished for more time, for more strength, for more mobility, and yet I was soooo happy that they came...I was crying.

I went to lay down as soon as they pulled out....I slept all day.  But I had to get up at 4:45 to be ready to leave by 5:15 for a teen bonfire at the church that I was responsible for.  I did a lot of setting up and then decided it was too hot to play outside (101 degrees out!).Soooo, we set up a projector and my husband got his sound equipment and we had a movie theater.  They loved it!  Then it was volleyball while I reff'd and they played till everyone was worn out :)))

Needless to say I barely stayed awake for the church service and I have been napping as often as I can since.  My husband got all over me for not paying attention to my body...so much easier said than done.  I get to doing something then realize after I'm past my tired point, that I went too far.

All that to get to this...I get great news and the emotions that I end up struggling with is the lack of mobility of my leg.  I get tired easy and it is so hard to move, to bend over.  I was showing my mother-in-law yesterday that I can touch my left foot's toes but not my right.  So I can only ever get one sock on at a time.  There are moments when the little things make me so weepy I can't keep it in.  Hearing how sad my siblings feel that I can't get around like I used too.  I have to focus on what I can do or else I would never be able to stop crying.  I told my husband that I was going to look like an old man because my hair is coming in all around but not on top...well, just really slowly on top, almost non-existent.  I have this strange patch on the back of my head that is shaped like a ballerina dancer that grows faster than anywhere else because it didn't get radiated.  It is freaky looking.  Oh well, it's hair.  So I pick myself up by my boot straps and keep on trusting in the one who holds my tomorrow.  He holds my hand and my tears.  I'm so thankful that He loves me because I could not go a day without Him.  I love you, Father and I trust you to know what I can and can't endure.  :))