# 53

Okay, so I have physical therapy three days a week and it is totally unusual. I do exercises then my therapist scrapes my leg with a scraper like for a windshield in the winter. I must say that it hurts like a dog and that night and the next day I am crazy sore. BUT, it is helping :) And as I start my PT I start to have problems with my eyes tearing. What is up with that?

So I go three days a week for PT, one day a week for chemo....and I am leaking out my eyes....Oh, and my big toenails are bruised and it looks like I might lose them.....and my fingernails are coming loose from the nail beds. Yeah, I will definitely lose them. Some days my list of little things can make me really down.

My son sent me a text from work today and said, "mom, do you ever just feel mopey?"

Really son? I wanted to say...everyday! But if I dwell on all the little things...I would stay in a mopey state of mind. I find if I keep my focus on the fact that this body is just a shell, a temporary shell and someday I will have a wonderful new one it helps soooo much!

There are days that I look into the mirror and am just amazed that I am still holding together. I find that I don't like the way I look, everything looks like it is just falling apart or disfigured. And that's when my hero comes and saves me. In walks my husband with eyes full of love and sees me, not my shell. He looks so convinced that I am beautiful, and I am so thankful because it reminds me of how my God sees me. Gosh, I love that man!!!! So I am taking one day at a time and enjoying still being here and loving my kids and husband, and most of all my God for giving me more time here on this earth. I get to pray everyday for my friends and family and I know that must drive the devil mad....so...hahahahahaha!!!!! I am still here because God wants me here!! :) And I'll stay as long as he wants me to :)