# 56

Well, here I sit at my chemo treatment playing on my netbook. It is so cool to be able to take it with me anywhere!! And not to fight for internet time with the kids? Well, you can't get any better than this.

I must say I was much more emotional this Christmas than I expected. My husband wrote a story for me so I could read it on Christmas morning at our church. I told him what I wanted and he put it into words...he is very gifted like that. But the heart of the story is this...we have nothing to offer like the wisemen did just ourselves. But that it all God wants anyway. So as I am dramatically reading this story, I get to the line where the lady in the story realizes all she has to offer and all He really wants...is me ... and here come the tears. I find myself asking.."who am I?" I feel like I have so little to offer, I guess that is the whole point. To realize that to live for God we need God, to love Him, we need Him to help us...it is very reciprocal in nature. He takes these broken vessels and uses them because we can clearly show Him through our brokenness. It is all about Him and sometimes when I am feeling very broken, used, worn, ugly, and worthless that is when He shines the brightest. So He must be easy to see right now through me because there is not much of me that works right. (lol!!) But that is the point!! Don't let it be about me, what I can do or say that may be awesome....let the world see my imperfections and then let me let go and let Him shine through me. I can't but He CAN!

So I can sit and look at all the things that don't work right, or are difficult for me right now...OR I can focus on what He can do with all this broken mess that I am living with that shines with His glory. Let's keep our focus on His strength and not my weakness shall we? It seems to work much better that way. So all I have to offer is ... me. Is it enough? Of course, the weaker I am the stronger He is! As I sit and ponder these things it amazes me that He loves me....I feel I have nothing to offer....but He just wants my love, and you know what? I just want His! And I have it!!! Praise God!!!

So I am headed into another year of being alive and I am so excited just to be here!! My God loves me and I may have a lot of little things wrong but He has allowed me to be here, be weak and allow Him to be strong. Thank-you, Father!!