# 61

My Dad's brother passed away this week. I haven't seen him in years, but my sister has been to see him and I have seen pics and kept up on facebook. It is weird how fragile life is and how quickly things can change and it leaves me feeling very introspective. My Uncle had a massive stroke and it was just a couple of months before he passed away. I had an aunt who found out she had breast cancer and it had already entered her lymphatic system. She was 38 years old. She didn't make it and my cousins lost their mother. It is hard to look at circumstances and see any rhyme or reason and yet I know that there is a reason. I can't see it but there is a Master Planner. My life has been a crazy roller coaster ride and when I start to look at the details I can see that there is a Master. Every step I have taken has led to the next step. Even through pain and tears when I didn't understand, I can look back now and see things so much more clearly. It would be so easy to get mad at God and blame Him for my troubles. But I just can't!

When I look at every stage of my life I see people and circumstances that have occurred because we make our own choices. There have been things that have happened that I have cried and begged God to know or understand why...but I haven't received an answer. The crazy thing is that I have stopped asking. As my husband always says, "People do what they want to do." So asking why things have happened to us ... it is simple. People do what they want to do. But, God allows things to happen and that begs the question...why? Everything I read in scriptures clearly shows that God allows things to happen for us to learn and grow in Him. So no matter how personal some attacks may feel they will help me draw closer to Him if I want to draw closer to Him. (people do what they want to do) Even when the attack isn't from a person....aka cancer.

My Uncle had a massive stroke...but he received Christ as his personal Savior. Did it take the stroke to get his attention? It looks that way, and if it did? Praise God for the stroke! Funny, I find myself praising God for my cancer because of how it has changed me and my family. When we start to realize that there is a Master Planner and that all things truly do work together for good to them that love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose, then we just start looking for the lesson to be learned. The stings and barbs from people aren't so devastating because people do what they want to do and God allows it. It truly is how we trust God that makes the difference.

Ben and I have had a lot of people try to hurt us over the years, including family. And even fighting cancer has felt very much like an attack....but, God works in our lives in such a way that through the storms I can feel His presence. I have felt His presence through every storm and I have come to depend on Him in ways I don't know how to put into words. I trust Him. And I truly believe that that is the main goal. When we trust Him, we don't worry, fear, hesitate...we have faith and hold on. What better lesson to learn than to trust God with every aspect of our lives. Even in death I trust the Father.

So when this life is over for me, I will get to go to Heaven and see my family...my uncle, my aunt, my dad....and sooo many more!!