# 73

My doctor visit on Tuesday was long but very good. I literally waited in a little paper vest for 45 minutes! But after I had my exam, we had a chance to discuss what direction I was going to take and which chemo I will be taking. We discussed keeping up with my Herceptin which is a biological medicine not actually a chemo. It goes straight to the cancer and blocks its receptors. The catch is after I stop taking Herceptin I can't go back to it, so we decided to continue to use it as long as I can. My next chemo I'll be taking is called Gemzar. It doesn't have all the side effects as the other chemo's I have had to take, it will attack my blood levels; platelets, white blood cells, hemoglobin. So, bad news it will make me very tired, but good news I may be able grow some fingernails, toenails, hair. Actually, Ben and I have discovered that if I eat eggs every day it keeps my white blood cell count up which is my immune system and energy level. On the weeks that I kept up with eating eggs my numbers would be anywhere from 11 to 23. When I would forget I would get as low as 1.9. You should see how creative we have become with fixing eggs! Funny how I like them so much, but I know your body will crave what it needs. How awesome that God makes our bodies to function so well.

Anyway, as we were discussing my treatments and what we wanted to do, my doctor just stopped and said, " I just can't believe this. You are the picture of health."

I chuckled and said, "I know! And I still have no symptoms."

He said, "Oh, don't say that, knock on wood!"

We both laughed...knowing God was totally in control of that.

Then he said, "I remember when you came in a year ago in a wheelchair with your mother-in-law! You could barely hold your head up!" (we both smiled) "You were the picture of death then 2 wks later...2wks! You walked in and were laughing and talking!!"

We both were laughing and agreeing.

He said, "I just could not believe it had moved to your brain. You don't show any signs of it."

"I know, we are amazed as well, but we know it's God."

"Yes," he said, "we keep praying."

"Yes, we do." we said.

Can you tell me where in the world can you find a doctor like that? I'm sure there are others like him who care and pray, but I must say I'm very thankful he is my doctor. Not just the doctor, the nurses are predominately christians. There is one there who could be my mother in age. She has such a sweet spirit and she is such a prayer warrior! Her son and family just left this weekend for the mission field in New Guinea. Her faith and trust in God is just awesome! She prays for me every day that God will miraculously heal me. I could go to almost any of them and ask them to pray for anything and they would. I just can't thank God enough for the support team He has surrounded me with.

Then there are random connections that I don't even realize exist. I had a teen show up two Wednesday nights ago that I thought I had never met. I was explaining about my cancer when she said, "It's okay miss Robin, I've met you before and your on our prayer list at church." I received a plethora of cards this week from my mom's church. I receive cards and letters from people I don't even know how they are connected to me. There are more of these than I will ever know. How do I even explain how this makes me feel? I feel so unworthy! It is hard sometimes not to ask why me? And I don't mean why me to get cancer, I mean why has God been so gracious to burden everyone's heart to pray for me? Or why has He allowed me to be the one still alive and others gone? The gratefulness gets overwhelming. I find myself weeping with joy in a Father who has given me today and thanking Him for the body of Christ that has lifted me up before Him. I am not worthy. But, if I can reflect Him and others see Him and not me? That is all I desire. He is incredible and that is what everyone should see. He won't just be there for me but for you as well. Oh how much He loves us!!

On how I feel right now, I feel really good. My cheeks are starting to go back to normal and the swelling around my middle is going a little slower, but that is to be expected. I'm just ready for the fibrous scar tissue in my thigh and back to soften up again. Walking for a long time is uncomfortable and even standing too long gets uncomfortable so I'm anxious for that to soften up some. But I'm still doing everything like normal :) I wash clothes, do dishes, cook, clean....it is nice to still be doing everything like normal. It is nice to know that God still wants me here so I'm going to enjoy today as long as it is called today. :)