#  85

I started my new chemo on Friday, it is all pills and it is everyday.  I have to take 5 in the morning on an empty stomach than wait an hour before I can eat and once I eat then I can take 3 more.  After lunch I take 3 more.  It is making my sick to my stomach and giving my diarrhea.  I just realized this afternoon that I could wait to take the 5 at night so I won't have to deal with all the pills through the day and be sick all morning.  So tomorrow I am going to take the five at night and just do the three during meal times for breakfast and lunch.  I'm hoping it will help, but we will see. I really don't want to go back to feeling bad all day long.  The discouraging part is that I have to do this everyday.  At least when I was taking the liquid chemo it was once a week and I only felt bad that one day, now I am fighting it every day.  It is making my daily routine difficult and ironically enough it has made me a little more emotional.  Of course if I don't feel good I get weepy very easily so any time Ben said anything to me, how much he loved me, that he would take care of me...yeah, I was weepy.  But he is helping me through every moment of every day, especially now that he can see it has made me feel nauseous and tired.  He truly is an answer to prayer!  I love him sooo much!!

I had such a great past couple of days!!  I just wanted to share, on Thursday and Friday my sister and her best friend came in for an overnight visit.  It was one long laugh!  I so needed that and wished that my other sister could have joined us. I'm actually really excited about June cause I will get brother time with him and his whole family!!  But that is for later....on Saturday we had a teen bonfire and game night.  It was soooo much fun!  I had five foxtails (a leather tennis ball with a nylon tail that you throw like a David and Goliath sling shot)  footballs, volleyballs, frisbees, and plans to play capture the flag once it got dark.  It turned out awesome with 36 there and everyone played and had fun and was sore the next morning!!  :))  The next day was Mother's Day so we went to my in-laws and grilled out, I wasn't feeling real well, thanks to the chemo pills but still had a good time.  Then after a nap the kids and I went to see the Avengers.  We had sooo much fun!  I was truly so thankful that I was able to do all I did.  And to top off a great weekend I went tonight to watch my youngest perform in his choir.  He had five solos and did so well, I was sooo proud!  I made two coconut cream pies for the bbq they had before the performance and my in-laws got to come and watch.  It was just a great night and I couldn't help but thank the Father for giving me the ability to be able to  do so much.  I haven't felt great, but I have been able to do, and that is all I want.  God allows me to be here and I am sooo thankful for the chance just to have today!  It sounds so simple but it just isn't.  Emotionally it is very difficult and very hard to put into words.  There are so many compromises, things that you have to be okay with giving up because that is what God wants you to surrender. And if it is what He wants you to surrender, then you give it up.  I don't have hair, my nails are rough and some even missing, I can't use my right leg like normal, sleep is hard to come by, etc.  But I'm still here and I want to tell people about my God who loves me and thinks I'm beautiful.  He lets me stay and I want to tell others about Him.  I'm okay with that.  :)