# 68

I came home from church tonight feeling pretty down. I had to cut off my wedding rings. The relief was instant, but it made me weepy. I haven't had to do something like that in a long time. My poor finger is still red and swollen. I have a feeling that it will take a couple of days for my finger to recover. Funny how you get attached to things and the sentimental value they seem to hold. I love that we melded my rings together, it seemed so perfect. I just hated to see it cut off of my finger. I'll just focus on getting them repaired and look forward to being able to wear them again someday...soon.

So when I got home....I pulled over the trash can and started pulling out my hair. It was coming out like crazy. How do I describe how this makes me feel? I am a woman...and hair is very much a part of every woman...very much a part of me. It is easy to say hair or no hair but how it makes you feel is very different. So I try to keep my focus on what is the most important and that is how God sees me and how my husband sees me. When I remember going through the darkest hours of the last time I thought I was going to die I am reminded of how God spoke to my heart. He sees me as beautiful. Me, with swollen leg and face, no hair and riddled with cancer. And in His eyes...I'm BEAUTIFUL! Oh how that sings to my soul!! And to make it even sweeter I have a husband who has shown me the love of the Father. When he looks at me I can see how he sees me and believes that I'm beautiful. How can I explain how that makes me feel? It is so hard to go through every day with so much emotionally going on, but to have a love and support that mirrors the Father? That goes beyond priceless!! I don't know how to thank the Father enough for who he gave me to be my life partner. On the flip side I find myself asking to stay a little while longer for his benefit. I know what he means to me and I know how he feels about me. We are best friends and neither know where one ends and the other begins. I find that every day I'm just sooo thankful to be here!! Just to have one more day makes me very happy. I'm hoping that I can enjoy one more day everyday.