Blog #37

I have been working with Ben and have been enjoying the time with him. It has been nice to spend time with him, but my hip is not happy with this weather. I get up early to do all of my "routine" and the days that bad weather is coming in or it is bitter cold....it is horrible!! Of course that is when the mental battle is the worst! I had a true moment of "God in this place" that is exactly what I needed. Knowing that He takes the time to let me know that He loves me and is going through every little detail with me and doesn't like it when I hurt, it is an incredible feeling to know that He loves me that much! I try to tell others as much as possible, that He loves them with the same passion and will do the same for them, I hope people will listen. He has truly shown me that He is going to take care of me. I'm exceedingly grateful. For whatever reason, my cancer doesn't want to die quickly. This is my path, I will walk it.

I went to the doctor today and (by the way, he is AWESOME!!) he told me how my scans turned out. I have no new cancer anywhere....soft tissue or bone. And all the cancer that is in my bones has not grown. He said my tumor marker numbers have increased though. The tumor marker numbers are a record of the activity of cancer in my blood. It is usually how doctors keep track of the activity inbetween scans. Even though they have risen, there is still nothing else anywhere, so he wants me to change my hormone treatment to see if that will help. I am just amazed that with how agressive my cancer is that it hasn't popped up everywhere. I just want to see it decrease. I realize that I have changed a lot of my life with the move and it has been stressful, I know that will effect me. I'm hoping that once we can get on our own and get settled it will get me back on track. But invetitably it is in God's hands. I am thankful to know that, no I am overjoyed to know that!!

I had a chance to go to Dickson last weekend with a co-worker. She was going to her neices graduation and asked if I wanted to hitch a ride. I was thrilled! I didn't get a chance to see tons of people because I was riding with others but it was good to see the few I could. I really miss everyone. It is always hard getting to a new place and trying to plug in or root. There are some days where we get a little down, with not being able to see everyone that felt so much like our family. I am trying to focus on my kids and fighting this cancer. Do you ever want to think on other things? ......yeah, me too.

My best friend came to visit this weekend and it was wonderful to see how God is working in her life. It definitely encouraged me, in so many ways!! She wants me to read "Captivating" by John Eldredge. I found it at a used book store and already I am enthralled! Thanks Lady!!

Well, I'm off to bed. I'm tired, it's been a long day and I have another day to fight tomorrow. But God has gone before me and prepared the way. Thank goodness!!