#  98

It's funny how life changes like a flowing river.  I have been going to treatments and have been so thankful for the doctors and nurses.  They are like my church family, it's my doctor family :)  All of my chemo nurses are Christians and we share prayer requests frequently.  One of them shared a request for a man who discovered he had a brain tumor.  I prayed for him, his wife and children.  In two months God took him home.  That was about a month ago....I still pray for the wife and kids and talking with my nurse we were discussing how she is doing.  What came up?  All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.  As we talked about the wife I found myself asking on her behalf...Father, I know you want  what is best for us and I hurt for her, please ease her pain.  Then I find myself asking how this is good for her?  Then my thoughts drift to me....why am I still here?  It could have so easily been me that died.  I have come so close to death so many times that I have asked why more than I can count.  Over the past couple of months I have had a lot of time to focus on the Father.  It is emotional going through all these ups and downs with this cancer and learning to let go and trust that He really does love me and want the best for me.  He showed me so many times in scripture that He makes promises and keeps them, that He wants me to trust Him so I let go.  I let go of this fear that rears it's ugly head when I get tired or get a bad scan...I just let go.  I love Psalm 63:3 "Because your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips will praise you."  Better than LIFE!  No matter what comes my way.....better than life.  Praise God He is good and I will praise Him!  I know the lady who lost her husband is hurting, but maybe His reason for taking him was because he would have been in horrible pain or crippled or I don't know, BUT my Father does!  So I go on the roller coaster but I get to sit in His hands as I go.  I'm learning to be very okay with that.  I love you Father, and I trust You.  Thank-you for letting me stay and be a part of the ministry you have planned for me.  I get to praise you and I will continue to do so until you call me home because your lovingkindness is better than life.  May I glorify You with all that I am!

#  97

So I am doing my physical therapy today and I didn't cry!!  How wonderful is that?!  I am moving a whole lot better with my leg and hip and I can't tell you how awesome it feels :)  The crazy thing is that now I am having problems with my TMJ.  I am right irritated with it!!  I am having a hard time with closing my mouth and I can hardly eat.  Yeah, I'd like to lose weight but not like this!
So I guess I just add this to my list.  I guess I'll talk to my doctor and see if there is anything they can do.  I don't have much hope because my insurance won't cover anything unless it is cancer related.  Maybe they can give me some muscle relaxers....that would make me feel good all over!  LOL!!

Any who, I am doing well with my new chemo, Haleva.  It doesn't have any adverse effects on me so it makes treatments very easy to endure.  I feel good and have good energy so I have been able to do more.  I have enjoyed two weekends of camping out and friends coming in for the weekend. It has been wonderful :))  God has been very good to me this summer.  This Friday night I am having a lock-in for our teens at a comic store in town owned by some friends of ours.  It will be a gamers dream lock-in...LOL!!  I'm bringing a mattress and a pillow!!

I will try to blog sooner, I just get involved in living and sitting down to blog is not on my mind.  That is actually a good thing. :)

#  96

I wanted to update everyone on how my new chemo is doing and PT.  My new chemo is called Haleva and I take it once a week for two weeks then I am off a week.   I have had two treatments and I can't even tell I have had any chemo at all.  That is a wonderful plus, let's just hope it is doing it's job :)  I'm not sure how long till the run some more scans and blood work again but as soon as I know you will know.

I have been doing really well with my PT and that is wonderful news!  I have had no elasticity in that right hip joint and it has made everything so difficult.  Well after 12 PT sessions I have seen a noticeable improvement.  I went camping last weekend at Davy Crockett with out tent and I couldn't get myself off the ground.  But camping out this weekend I can do it all by myself !!  How awesome is that?!  I am worn out but feeling so happy :))  I love how God just gives such little things and they feel so wonderful !!!  Thank-you, Father, You make me feel so special :))