# 101
I didn't get good results from my scans on Friday. If you have never been through it, it is hard to describe how it makes you feel. I never break down or freak out and I know that is just me leaning on the Father, but it will eventually make the tears come. My scans showed that it has grown quite a bit in my liver, I now have a spot in my right lung and it has started growing again in my bones. I have now crossed over into scary. I say that but you need to understand what is scary to me. I'm not afraid to die at all. That is going home for me. But being in a lot of pain or turning neon yellow scares me because I DO NOT want my kids to see me like that! I had a dear, sweet friend in Virginia who found tumors on her liver and she glowed yellow and was gone in 3months. It was hard to watch, but so joyful to see her go in her sleep to be with our Savior.
I find that tears are always close to the surface. Ben was in the kitchen cooking chili (it was awesome!) when I walked in and he asked if he should add tomatoes and I said yes. His response,"I'm so glad you are here to tell me how to do this right :)" I burst into tears! I hate the thought of leaving my best friend here or my kids here. I want to help them in their life to come. I want to be the helpmeet for my husband and I want to continue to be his confidant. I know where I will be, but it is hard to imagine the hole I will leave. Okay Robin, God can take care of your family better than you can! Say that again till you feel it in your toes!!
We do all we can to laugh and praise God through all of this, my youngest said, "How unfair that you get to skip out early and miss everything getting worse until the rapture!!" I responded with..."hate that for ya!" We all laughed, then Patsy started crying. My boys try to be strong and
are happy when I start joking...it is just too close to the surface. Or should I say too close to the heart. I just never dreamed this would be happening to me at the ripe young age of 42. We wanted to be young when we had our kids so we would be young when they had their kids. I always regretted that my father never had a chance to meet my kids. He would have loved them! Now there is a big possibility that my kids will say that about me.
Okay, here is where I get into trouble....God can still cure me if He wants too. I can't dwell on the what if's. It will depress me too much and on the flip side if I focus too much on Heaven then I won't want to fight to stay here! Is that crazy?!! Father, please help me to be ready for either eventuality. I can do this with your help but only Yours. Thank-you for the prayers, I have needed every single one of them! I love you all, my friends and family.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Sunday, October 21, 2012
# 100
After beating myself up at Universal Studios on the 8th of Oct. I came home and was in bed for a week and a half. Taking pain pills and using ice packs and heating pads...LOL!! Two weeks later I am feeling good and a special thanks to my Physical Therapist Diane. She was very good to me and had me feeling so much better. God is sooo good to me to allow me to go the Florida in the first place, but I think I covered all that in my last post. So, on to tomorrow....
Well I go in for a CT scan tomorrow which means I have to drink the nasty, chalky stuff. I feel really good but that really doesn't mean anything with me. The last time I felt really good it had gone to my brain. LOL!! So I go in to these scans knowing that I'm in God's hands. There is nothing I can do about what they find except be okay with whatever comes. I have had so much prayer and I know it is what has gotten me to this point, but it truly has been a learning process. I love that God holds me in His hands and wants what is best for me, so like the three Hebrew children, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednigo I can say with all my heart, " My God is able to heal me, but if He chooses not to I will still serve Him!!" Just like Ps. 63:3 Because His lovingkindness is greater than life, my lips will praise You! So if you read this blog I always appreciate prayer cover, thank-you, because who you are praying to is the one holding my life in His hands (and yours as well :).
On a different line my husband has put his name out to Pastor again. He has taken the last two years off while we battled for my life and now that I am doing well and feeling well the call on his heart has become unbearable. He needs to be preaching again. We felt God moving and knew it was coming but we would love to have some prayer cover so we will make the right decision and go where He wants us. We want to serve and will do whatever he wants us to do. He has preached at two different churches and we are going somewhere else next week. I am enjoying the variety of church bodies, so I feel good about wherever we may go, but that doesn't matter. God has our church picked out for us and I am ready to find it :) It is very calming to know that God knows where we will land, I'm getting excited about it. I'll keep everyone posted about my scans which I will know on Thursday and about our church status. Thanks for the continued prayers, I can't make it a day without them :) Love you all!!
After beating myself up at Universal Studios on the 8th of Oct. I came home and was in bed for a week and a half. Taking pain pills and using ice packs and heating pads...LOL!! Two weeks later I am feeling good and a special thanks to my Physical Therapist Diane. She was very good to me and had me feeling so much better. God is sooo good to me to allow me to go the Florida in the first place, but I think I covered all that in my last post. So, on to tomorrow....
Well I go in for a CT scan tomorrow which means I have to drink the nasty, chalky stuff. I feel really good but that really doesn't mean anything with me. The last time I felt really good it had gone to my brain. LOL!! So I go in to these scans knowing that I'm in God's hands. There is nothing I can do about what they find except be okay with whatever comes. I have had so much prayer and I know it is what has gotten me to this point, but it truly has been a learning process. I love that God holds me in His hands and wants what is best for me, so like the three Hebrew children, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednigo I can say with all my heart, " My God is able to heal me, but if He chooses not to I will still serve Him!!" Just like Ps. 63:3 Because His lovingkindness is greater than life, my lips will praise You! So if you read this blog I always appreciate prayer cover, thank-you, because who you are praying to is the one holding my life in His hands (and yours as well :).
On a different line my husband has put his name out to Pastor again. He has taken the last two years off while we battled for my life and now that I am doing well and feeling well the call on his heart has become unbearable. He needs to be preaching again. We felt God moving and knew it was coming but we would love to have some prayer cover so we will make the right decision and go where He wants us. We want to serve and will do whatever he wants us to do. He has preached at two different churches and we are going somewhere else next week. I am enjoying the variety of church bodies, so I feel good about wherever we may go, but that doesn't matter. God has our church picked out for us and I am ready to find it :) It is very calming to know that God knows where we will land, I'm getting excited about it. I'll keep everyone posted about my scans which I will know on Thursday and about our church status. Thanks for the continued prayers, I can't make it a day without them :) Love you all!!
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
# 99
Okay, there is so much to cover I will try not to take too long in saying it. But, it is all good :)) I was wanting to take a trip with my husband down to Tampa to visit my sister and we had so many things happen that I just couldn't do it. So my sister calls and says that she wants to buy me and my daughter plane tickets so we can come down for a visit. I cried for days every time I'd think about it! My daughter was beside herself since she has never been on a plane before and we were going to Universal Studios as well.
We started to plan and laugh and be so excited we could hardly breath! Then my sister sends a text and says she needs me to speak to her ladies and give my testimony since they were going through "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. Okay, I don't mind doing that because I've read the book and it changed my life. So if God receives glory, I'm totally okay with that. Then she sends another text...now I'm singing in the choir and singing a solo. Feeling a little nervous now... but I would love to participate! So the day is getting nearer and nearer we are coming undone. Oh, wait, one more text...my sister got a hold of my Aunt Betty and my cousin Melissa and we were spending Friday with them. I'm not sure I could feel any happier!
So the day arrives and off to the airport we go! We leave from Tri-Cities to Charlotte then to Tampa. It was short trips and Patsy was all about pics and looking out the window :) We arrive to 85 degree weather....yeah. We get off the plane and both Patsy and I are starving so Patina takes us to the Cheesecake Factory. It was delicious but it always is. We laughed and talked and headed to her house via a short tour of her church and neighborhood. We spent the evening with Patina and Shawna looking at old pictures and planning for the next day with Aunt Betty at the beach. Patsy and I went to bed happy and pleasantly tired.
Friday we woke packed up some stuff and put on our suits to head to Anna Maria Island. We went to Aunt Betty's and met Melissa there. We hugged, laughed, cried, and packed up in Melissa's van and headed to the beach. We had lunch at Mr. Bones which was awesome then headed to the water. It was perfect! Clear, sea foam green water at about 80-85 degrees and beautiful white sands. We got into the water and didn't want to get out...it was dreamy :)) We headed back to Aunt Betty's and I was feeling pretty tired so we pulled out her old pics and everyone sprawled out and passed pics around and walked and laughed down memory lane. It was a night I won't forget! :))
Saturday was spent just hanging out with Patina, Patrick and Shawna. We hung out in her pool, played a blind taste test game...watched Youtube...it was so much fun!
Sunday was incredible! To be a part of the choir, to praise and worship with my sister's church, to hear my niece sing, and my nephew play the guitar I was overwhelmed. Then I had a chance to give my testimony to Patina's class. God was present and I'm thankful for His blessing. I was able to share and God blessed, He is just so faithful. The icing on the cake for me was that Aunt Betty and Melissa with her girls were able to come that Sunday morning. We all went to lunch and caught up even more if that is possible. It was just so wonderful :))
On Monday morning it was time to head to Universal Studios. I don't have enough words to say how awesome this was!! It was me, Patsy, Shawna, Patina and Debbie. We rented a wheelchair and were able to take the fast track on the rides. It was really awesome and I wasn't hurting at all. The rides were so smooth and fun that I was overjoyed! Until the last ride which was Spiderman 3D and it shook and jarred me so bad I was hurting pretty good by the time we got back to the house. I used the heating pad that night and it was relieving, but when we got home (back to TN) I was in so much pain I was crying.
I learned my lesson the hard way, my back and good hip had pulled muscles so last week was spent in bed with pain pills and heating pads. But I was able to go and I thank God for it. I go for more scans in two weeks so I'm anxious to get that done and see where I stand. I don't feel worried, I feel like God is still in control :)) I love Him for giving me a weekend with my sister, it was wonderful, thank-you Father :))
Okay, there is so much to cover I will try not to take too long in saying it. But, it is all good :)) I was wanting to take a trip with my husband down to Tampa to visit my sister and we had so many things happen that I just couldn't do it. So my sister calls and says that she wants to buy me and my daughter plane tickets so we can come down for a visit. I cried for days every time I'd think about it! My daughter was beside herself since she has never been on a plane before and we were going to Universal Studios as well.
We started to plan and laugh and be so excited we could hardly breath! Then my sister sends a text and says she needs me to speak to her ladies and give my testimony since they were going through "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. Okay, I don't mind doing that because I've read the book and it changed my life. So if God receives glory, I'm totally okay with that. Then she sends another text...now I'm singing in the choir and singing a solo. Feeling a little nervous now... but I would love to participate! So the day is getting nearer and nearer we are coming undone. Oh, wait, one more text...my sister got a hold of my Aunt Betty and my cousin Melissa and we were spending Friday with them. I'm not sure I could feel any happier!
So the day arrives and off to the airport we go! We leave from Tri-Cities to Charlotte then to Tampa. It was short trips and Patsy was all about pics and looking out the window :) We arrive to 85 degree weather....yeah. We get off the plane and both Patsy and I are starving so Patina takes us to the Cheesecake Factory. It was delicious but it always is. We laughed and talked and headed to her house via a short tour of her church and neighborhood. We spent the evening with Patina and Shawna looking at old pictures and planning for the next day with Aunt Betty at the beach. Patsy and I went to bed happy and pleasantly tired.
Friday we woke packed up some stuff and put on our suits to head to Anna Maria Island. We went to Aunt Betty's and met Melissa there. We hugged, laughed, cried, and packed up in Melissa's van and headed to the beach. We had lunch at Mr. Bones which was awesome then headed to the water. It was perfect! Clear, sea foam green water at about 80-85 degrees and beautiful white sands. We got into the water and didn't want to get out...it was dreamy :)) We headed back to Aunt Betty's and I was feeling pretty tired so we pulled out her old pics and everyone sprawled out and passed pics around and walked and laughed down memory lane. It was a night I won't forget! :))
Saturday was spent just hanging out with Patina, Patrick and Shawna. We hung out in her pool, played a blind taste test game...watched Youtube...it was so much fun!
Sunday was incredible! To be a part of the choir, to praise and worship with my sister's church, to hear my niece sing, and my nephew play the guitar I was overwhelmed. Then I had a chance to give my testimony to Patina's class. God was present and I'm thankful for His blessing. I was able to share and God blessed, He is just so faithful. The icing on the cake for me was that Aunt Betty and Melissa with her girls were able to come that Sunday morning. We all went to lunch and caught up even more if that is possible. It was just so wonderful :))
On Monday morning it was time to head to Universal Studios. I don't have enough words to say how awesome this was!! It was me, Patsy, Shawna, Patina and Debbie. We rented a wheelchair and were able to take the fast track on the rides. It was really awesome and I wasn't hurting at all. The rides were so smooth and fun that I was overjoyed! Until the last ride which was Spiderman 3D and it shook and jarred me so bad I was hurting pretty good by the time we got back to the house. I used the heating pad that night and it was relieving, but when we got home (back to TN) I was in so much pain I was crying.
I learned my lesson the hard way, my back and good hip had pulled muscles so last week was spent in bed with pain pills and heating pads. But I was able to go and I thank God for it. I go for more scans in two weeks so I'm anxious to get that done and see where I stand. I don't feel worried, I feel like God is still in control :)) I love Him for giving me a weekend with my sister, it was wonderful, thank-you Father :))
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