#  98

It's funny how life changes like a flowing river.  I have been going to treatments and have been so thankful for the doctors and nurses.  They are like my church family, it's my doctor family :)  All of my chemo nurses are Christians and we share prayer requests frequently.  One of them shared a request for a man who discovered he had a brain tumor.  I prayed for him, his wife and children.  In two months God took him home.  That was about a month ago....I still pray for the wife and kids and talking with my nurse we were discussing how she is doing.  What came up?  All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.  As we talked about the wife I found myself asking on her behalf...Father, I know you want  what is best for us and I hurt for her, please ease her pain.  Then I find myself asking how this is good for her?  Then my thoughts drift to me....why am I still here?  It could have so easily been me that died.  I have come so close to death so many times that I have asked why more than I can count.  Over the past couple of months I have had a lot of time to focus on the Father.  It is emotional going through all these ups and downs with this cancer and learning to let go and trust that He really does love me and want the best for me.  He showed me so many times in scripture that He makes promises and keeps them, that He wants me to trust Him so I let go.  I let go of this fear that rears it's ugly head when I get tired or get a bad scan...I just let go.  I love Psalm 63:3 "Because your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips will praise you."  Better than LIFE!  No matter what comes my way.....better than life.  Praise God He is good and I will praise Him!  I know the lady who lost her husband is hurting, but maybe His reason for taking him was because he would have been in horrible pain or crippled or I don't know, BUT my Father does!  So I go on the roller coaster but I get to sit in His hands as I go.  I'm learning to be very okay with that.  I love you Father, and I trust You.  Thank-you for letting me stay and be a part of the ministry you have planned for me.  I get to praise you and I will continue to do so until you call me home because your lovingkindness is better than life.  May I glorify You with all that I am!