I must say I keep coming back to feeling like this is so much more than a physical attack on my body. Some days are just so emotionally draining! I had such a good time last night with my family and just hearing us all together and the laughter was like a medicine that my soul needed! But one little accident (spilled coke) and I'm feeling like a worthless piece of dog doo doo! It never ceases to amaze me how much it drains me emotionally to be battling this cancer. When I don't feel good it feels like I have a web of cotton strung across my mind. It is hard to even imagine times when I felt good physically....like playing volleyball or softball. Like my body can't even remember what that felt like. I will try to remember hiking across the prairie with my kids and it's like I can only imagine struggling not really doing it.... How is that fair!!? It makes me want to pull out albums... which are of course packed away in storage. So the mental goes on and on!
So now I find that every Tuesday the cycle with start over with this web of cotton draped over my brain...and by the weekend it starts to lighten up. This is going to be difficult. But I would like to do something to counter it, I'm just not sure what. I have three weeks of chemo and one week off. Boy, those two weeks will feel like Heaven!! Maybe that is the week we will be moving...I need to check that out. Boy! Say some prayers for the move...that makes me feel totally worthless! I am trying not to feel that way but it is extremely difficult! Anywho, having a place of our own will feel almost foreign at this point. It will really be nice. :)
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