Blog # 39

I have been busy and hurting, so needless to say I haven't kept up like I should. But I am thankful that God makes a way for change and even a way to feel better.

I have been having a lot of pain in my hip that I expressed in my last blog. But since then I found out that my tumor marker numbers doubled. How funny that something like a bad report can feel like a physical assault. We were rather calm when my oncologist expressed the news. He was very concerned and set up a change in hormone treatment immediately. But Ben and I were really calm. I just feel so strongly that not only is God in control, but I just know that He is sooo much bigger than cancer. I have been praying a lot lately, not just about cancer, which you would think that is all I pray about. I have really been opened up by Him and examined from one side of my soul to the other. There is a whole other level of trust that I have reached with Him and I am so thankful that I almost don't know how to put it into words.

My tumor marker numbers reached the 200's. We walked out to the car and discussed what that must mean. If God wants to take me home, woo! hoo!! But if I can stay a little while longer I would be very grateful. I truly believe that He has a plan for me, something I need to do before I go. I feel it down to my toenails. I know all too clearly that He could take me home at any minute. But for some reason I feel like I am supposed to tell people about what I have been through. Not just cancer, but how He has healed me in mind, spirit, soul and body. He needs the glory for it all. After praying and crying in the car there was a peace that passed all understanding. Can I trust a God who made me and allowed my body to be eaten up by cancer? I hear a resounding "YES" !!!

I went the following Tuesday and started my new hormone therapy. It was a double shot, one in each hip! YUCK!! It was a thick oil that felt like I got punched on both hips! I had to miss work!! But, I have been feeling much less pain the past two weeks. I am hoping that is a good sign. But regardless, I will do better when God wants me to do better. I don't feel worried.

So I am doing as much as I can naturally and leaving all the rest to God. I should say I am doing all I can naturally and God will use it if He wants to accomplish His will and He will receive the glory for it all.

I have no new pain anywhere, and I have actually decreased in pain in my hip. I have no explanation except God. I am trusting Him with my life, I am His and He is mine. How thankful I am!!

This week I woke up with a pain in my back under my left shoulder blade. It felt like a crick in my back and it got worse till I had to miss work and lie flat on my back. Of course there were a few that panicked and said, "Cancer?"

I said of course not!! And three days later after some muscle cream and a heat pad I'm back to work. God is still good!! Just a reminder! LOL!!

So tomorrow I head back in to the office and next week I go back for two more shots. I am hoping that it won't hurt so bad, but if it does, I'll just deal with it and be thankful I can still walk. :)

I will try to keep the updates more current, but no worries :) God is the one taking care of me!! :)