Blog #40

I am sorry for neglecting my blog duties. It has been very busy around here lately and with my husband needing the laptop in the evenings it is like buzzards when he walks in the door. I need to just schedule my time and then let the kids fight for it after I'm done. I just hate to keep them from it as well.

Anywho.... I have been doing so much better since I started my new hormone treatments. I hardly need pain meds now. I will go days without and usually if I do it is because I have aggravated my hip without realizing I did. I made a trip to Ohio which was like a medicine for my heart!! I got to spend time with my brother and sister it was awesome!! But driving there I was at the wheel too long (I got excited seeing and showing my kids where my Grandmother used to live in Kentucky) so I was hurting my first couple of days. But when I returned I was doing well.

Some days feel so hard and others so easy. I wish there was some way to explain it in simple terms, but a continual fight against death gets very tiring. I am so thankful that my in-laws church is so supportive. I have friends across the states who pray for me so much and I don't know how to tell people how much that helps me just to stay above water. And yes, it so often feels like treading water. It can wear me out like nothing else. Especially when I hurt, it's like screaming into my mind from Satan himself, "HA! HA! HA! You are going to lose this fight!!!!" Having prayer cover is the one thing that I know and can feel when it brings relief.

So true to the way God works, He has had my attention quite thoroughly over these past couple of months, and needless to say it has truly changed me. I find that I long to spend time with Him and it makes fighting this cancer so much easier. It feels like my fight it not just physical but spiritual. Like they are intertwined. Or maybe with each step physically it should have spiritual repercussions. Somehow the two feel intertwined. I'm okay with that. I know that if God is for me who can be against me? If God wants to save me there is nothing in heaven or earth that can stop Him. And what if He doesn't? I feel like the Hebrew children....I am not careful to speak to you on this matter! I know who holds my eternal future. But I feel like He is opening doors for me to share my story with the world. I will do whatever is in my power to glorify Him whether I stay or go! He is worthy and everyone needs to know that THAT is the truth!! The devil may truly try to take me out, but I'm not his, I'm God's.

My in-laws church is having a benefit singing for me Saturday night, total answer to prayer. The ladies have been sending cards of encouragement with gift cards to Ingles, another answer to prayer. My oldest son got a job, another answer.... and it looks like God has provided a home for us.....ANOTHER ANSWER TO PRAYER!!! I am seeing a beautiful pattern!!!! Anyone else?!?!

I am trying not to be amazed when God answers prayers, but I think He likes to amaze us and to see us get excited and shout and dance around for Him. I have been dancing a lot for Him lately :) He is healing me from the inside out...lol!!! Heart, mind, soul....then body! I am excited to get to the point where I can say just that, because I feel that is just what is happening. I am His to do with as He pleases. And He is MINE!!