# 89
I just love how the little things make me soooo happy!! My in-laws got me a swing for my birthday and I have wanted a swing all my married life. But I was only ever to have one for about 3 years while we were in Virginia. Every other place didn't have a place for a swing so we would settle for benches and our wicker furniture. Well, Ben hung my swing under our deck and it is awesome!! He cleaned it all out, brought down the wicker chairs and love seat and made a small fire pit in the middle, just out from under the deck. It is beautiful!!! Our bedroom is downstairs so I just walk out the basement door in the morning and sit in my swing and have my Bible study....watching the birds, looking at the mountains, and I'm in the shade so I don't have to wear my hat. It is just wonderful!!
Speaking of not needing a hat... I was rubbing the back of my head and felt a fuzzy patch... what could this be?! Yes!!!! I am starting to get fuzz!! I am sooo happy!! Now I just have to be patient while my hair grows back in...it is really hard to be patient!! I had a follow up appoint with my radiologist today and because I am doing so well he said I can get off of the STEROIDS!!!!!! WOO! HOO!! I am soooooooo thankful!! And he also prescribed some more physical therapy to help with the fibrous scar tissue in my hip and bottom. I am so thankful and just relieved. My oncologist scheduled an MRI for Thursday so I will know next Tuesday what is going on in my brain, but I don't feel worried at all since I haven't had one symptom! Actually, that is why the doctor isn't worried about me coming off the steroids and he feels really good about me not having had any side effects at all. It all is looking really good and I just can't help but know that my God is taking care of me in ways I can and can't see. He amazes me!
And more good news! I found a jewelry store that repairs jewelry in store and they will repair and size my wedding set for $95! So I am going to do them one ring at a time. My diamond ring will cost the most because the prongs holding the diamond have gotten very thin so I am repairing that one first. I am sooo excited to get it done! They are sizing it too so no more cutting my rings off!! :)) It has just been a week of good news and I have been overcome with gratitude and feeling so unworthy!
I find that as I am going through everyday life and God keeps moving and blessing, that I just want people to know who He is and how much He loves us and takes care of us. I so want people to see Christ not me. I really haven't done anything but go where He has sent me. I have difficult days and I know I'm no one special and that is what I want people to know. I just follow His lead, which is what He wants all of us to do. Follow Him...trust Him...and He will take care of you, He will go with you every step of the way. Thank-you Father for loving me and reminding me that you love me. I wear my Irish Claddagh ring on my thumb reminding me that He holds my heart in His hands and He has placed a crown on my head. On my other thumb I wear a ring that reminds me that there is nothing I can do to earn His love, He loves me unconditionally. And what is even better, on the inside of the ring I have engraved..."He knows my name". When I forget and try to earn His love and affection, it reminds me that He knows me by name, He created me to love me, He is truly the lover of my soul and I love Him!! May I always live in a way that reflects Him!!!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
# 88
You know it is hard to convey to the rest of the world how it feels to deal with physical issues everyday. It is a constant reminder that I am fighting cancer. And the crazy thing is that it can keep you down if you struggle with focusing on the positive. My personality type has never been to focus on the sad or negative and I realize that for others it is a real issue. I wish there was some way to encourage people to focus on what is here and now. I want to keep my focus on the fact that I am still here and able to be a part of my family's life. I turned 42 last week and I had one of the ladies at church ask me if I was telling people how old I was. Really? I am shouting to people how old I am!!! I am still here and sooo thankful that I am, it is a total joy to be getting older!! I want gray hair because that means I'm still here!! Okay, having said all that, it brings me back to my original comment....dealing with physical issues. I had VBS all last week and we had two teens boys from our youth group at our last church come in to visit unexpectedly. So I was on my feet all last week with no time to be off my feet at all. Guess what that meant? Lymphodema here I come!! My leg started to swell and it wasn't my hip that was giving my trouble it was my knee! There was so much fluid on my knee I couldn't stand to sit in the pews!! The pressure pushing on my thigh when I would sit was almost unbearable! Soooo....I just got through the program Sunday morning and it was home with me on the couch with my leg propped up and it was staying that way as long as it needed to be.
Dealing with the physical can get so discouraging because I have to have others help me...I need help off the couch because there is so much fluid on my knee that it won't bend to support my weight. How insane is that?!! The crazy little physical issues start to pile up and then if i'm not careful...it will get very discouraging. On top of this crazy busy VBS week I had an allergic reaction to one of my chemo's. I started to break out in a rash on the top of my head. And the rash was starting to show up on my legs, neck, arms....I was carrying around a back scratcher with me everywhere and if I took my hat off I was red as a beet. Well, how do you stay positive? I get to wake up every morning to an ache in my hip, it is usually what wakes me up in the morning. Not the sun shining into my bedroom, but the ache in my hip. I have to sleep with a pillow between my knees so the scarred muscles in my hip don't pull to much on that hip and make it impossible to go to sleep in the first place.
As I lay here with my leg propped up since i'm still trying to get that fluid off my knee...I'm trying to convey that if I let myself I could be in tears every day saying "Woe is me..." or "why me?". The emotional battle can be brutal. I had someone ask me if all the sacrifices I have had to make from the "medication" was worth it. Again...Really? I am still here!!! I shouldn't be! I have come to realize and accept the fact that God has taken me down this road from chemo, to natural, to both and through it all He has used whatever He has wanted to control what is going on inside of me. Mostly it has been faith and trust. I want Him to receive all the glory so I will do whatever He wants me too. And if that means that I must endure pain every day, than I will!!! If I get diarrhea, lose all my hair and nails, lymphodema, am covered in a rash from head to foot, then so be it! Who am I to complain about what God wants me to endure? And I actually have soooo much to be thankful for even with all of these physical issues that I have to deal with. There is still sooo much that I CAN do! So when I get that momentary lapse in positive and I feel like crying I look at my husband, my children, my teens, my church....and remember that this is my path that the Lord has chosen for me. I can go through this with Him, He hasn't left me and I don't have to be alone. He truly loves me and wants the best for me and my family and when the pain or inability to move bring me down I have to remind myself He is right here with me...holding my in His hands. I am His, He is mine. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
You know it is hard to convey to the rest of the world how it feels to deal with physical issues everyday. It is a constant reminder that I am fighting cancer. And the crazy thing is that it can keep you down if you struggle with focusing on the positive. My personality type has never been to focus on the sad or negative and I realize that for others it is a real issue. I wish there was some way to encourage people to focus on what is here and now. I want to keep my focus on the fact that I am still here and able to be a part of my family's life. I turned 42 last week and I had one of the ladies at church ask me if I was telling people how old I was. Really? I am shouting to people how old I am!!! I am still here and sooo thankful that I am, it is a total joy to be getting older!! I want gray hair because that means I'm still here!! Okay, having said all that, it brings me back to my original comment....dealing with physical issues. I had VBS all last week and we had two teens boys from our youth group at our last church come in to visit unexpectedly. So I was on my feet all last week with no time to be off my feet at all. Guess what that meant? Lymphodema here I come!! My leg started to swell and it wasn't my hip that was giving my trouble it was my knee! There was so much fluid on my knee I couldn't stand to sit in the pews!! The pressure pushing on my thigh when I would sit was almost unbearable! Soooo....I just got through the program Sunday morning and it was home with me on the couch with my leg propped up and it was staying that way as long as it needed to be.
Dealing with the physical can get so discouraging because I have to have others help me...I need help off the couch because there is so much fluid on my knee that it won't bend to support my weight. How insane is that?!! The crazy little physical issues start to pile up and then if i'm not careful...it will get very discouraging. On top of this crazy busy VBS week I had an allergic reaction to one of my chemo's. I started to break out in a rash on the top of my head. And the rash was starting to show up on my legs, neck, arms....I was carrying around a back scratcher with me everywhere and if I took my hat off I was red as a beet. Well, how do you stay positive? I get to wake up every morning to an ache in my hip, it is usually what wakes me up in the morning. Not the sun shining into my bedroom, but the ache in my hip. I have to sleep with a pillow between my knees so the scarred muscles in my hip don't pull to much on that hip and make it impossible to go to sleep in the first place.
As I lay here with my leg propped up since i'm still trying to get that fluid off my knee...I'm trying to convey that if I let myself I could be in tears every day saying "Woe is me..." or "why me?". The emotional battle can be brutal. I had someone ask me if all the sacrifices I have had to make from the "medication" was worth it. Again...Really? I am still here!!! I shouldn't be! I have come to realize and accept the fact that God has taken me down this road from chemo, to natural, to both and through it all He has used whatever He has wanted to control what is going on inside of me. Mostly it has been faith and trust. I want Him to receive all the glory so I will do whatever He wants me too. And if that means that I must endure pain every day, than I will!!! If I get diarrhea, lose all my hair and nails, lymphodema, am covered in a rash from head to foot, then so be it! Who am I to complain about what God wants me to endure? And I actually have soooo much to be thankful for even with all of these physical issues that I have to deal with. There is still sooo much that I CAN do! So when I get that momentary lapse in positive and I feel like crying I look at my husband, my children, my teens, my church....and remember that this is my path that the Lord has chosen for me. I can go through this with Him, He hasn't left me and I don't have to be alone. He truly loves me and wants the best for me and my family and when the pain or inability to move bring me down I have to remind myself He is right here with me...holding my in His hands. I am His, He is mine. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
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