Blog #31

I am just amazed at how God works!! This week has been one long mental battle and at every turn I was saying out loud, "I don't care what you are trying to do satan, I am trusting God!!" I know that I serve a God that is bigger than any cancer and it is all up to Him and His will for me. So knowing this my x-rays on Monday were laid in His hands. I went today to see my radiologist and see what he wanted to do, it anything needed to be done. This is what I found out.

When my oncologist told me there was some spots still growing it feels like getting kicked in the gut one more time. So I just said, I don't care what they say, I know that I am doing what is right!! Trust and faith reach a whole new level! So my hot spots were, according to my oncologist, my hip and neck. So he scheduled some x-rays to see if anything needed to be done, if it was critical or not. My radiologist immediately pulled up my bone scans and x-rays and showed them to me.

Hmmmmm. I was looking at my neck, it was substantially smalller! My hip didn't look larger either.....but my arm looked not so good. So, what is going on? So I say it out loud to my radiologist..."My tumor in my neck looks half to three fourths smaller! Am I seeing that right?"

Dr. "Yes, I'm not worried about your neck."

Me "Okay, but my hip and pelvic doesn't look bigger either....?"

Dr. "Well, there is activity but not much growth, we just don't want it to get to where it hurts."

Me "Oh, well my arm doesn't look good and they said it was minimal growth."

Dr. "Yes, that is the only spot of real concern. And it isn't life threatening, just painful and we don't want that bone to break."

Me "Oh....okay. I lift stuff all the time....that's kind of scary!"

Dr. "Just be careful and once we fix it you will be fine."

Me "Ok....what are the other spots on my vertebrae?"

Dr. "They are two more smaller spots that have been there but they are receding."

Me "Getting smaller?"

Dr. "Yes, the hormone inhibitor must be working."

Me (winking at my daughter) "Yeah, it must be. So my tumors in my neck and back are smaller and in my hip and pelvic bone are about the same, so the only real "growth" is in my arm?"

Dr. "yes, and we will take care of that for you."

How is that for God working things out? He even said in his conversation with me that he wanted to take care of that spot in my arm so I don't have to come back in six months and take care of it again. Then he laughed and said he knew i'd still be here, but I shouldn't have to worry about it later. Where is my uncool-ogist when I need him?!!!!!! It made for a good day :) God has taken care of me every step of the way.... how can I NOT praise Him?!!!!

Now I am just looking forward to the day when I can say it is gone! That will be a pink letter day......sorry, just thought pink with breast cancer....oh, never mind! It will be a day to remember for the rest of my life!!!

Blog #30

I went to see my uncool-ogist today and I was totally surprised!! He was pleasant and helpful and wanted to do everything he could to help us. I wonder if he realized that we were getting ready to find another doctor? We did ask my PCP to ask about changing doctors and she did talk to the oncology about it. So maybe he caught wind of if, I don't know, he was just really nice and accommodating.

The two spots that are growing are my hip and my neck, so he scheduled an appointment for an x-ray to make sure it isn't dangerous for me. He wants to stay on top of it and not let it get to the point of danger. He didn't even bring up chemo which totally surprised me! And I think he finally realized that we want to pursue this naturally and we believe in it. He mentioned that he was a fellow "believer" and that he was just concerned that God would answer our prayer with "no". It was truly interesting to hear him say that. I don't think he understands faith. But maybe I will get a chance to show him, for the next 50 years!!

I have had sooo much support and positive response from friends and family it is truly what we needed!! When we get kicked by satan (I don't feel like capitalizing his name) it is so wonderful to have the family there for you and help you stay focused and positive!! I am truly thankful and grateful!! God has been good to me in more ways than I can count. I look forward to the day when I can say, "I'm free!! It is all gone and it is all God!!" That will be the day of rejoicing and I can't wait!!!

So next on my agenda...... foot detox and magnetic mattress pad. One more thing in my routine and that is okay as long as I am here to talk about it!! :) :)

Blog #29

I found out today that my cancer is still growing. Not fast but still growing!! I would just love to burn it out of my body!!!!! I guess that's what chemo does but burns everything else as well....lol! I am not interested in that at alll but this cancer is starting to get on my nerves!! I was talking to a friend of mine who was in even worse shape than me and she is cancer free and has been for three years. I think I am going to take up her routine and do everything that she did, because I would like to be cancer free as well. She actually was cancer free in three months, and she had tumors everywhere!!! So, I am going to start doing foot detoxes and see if I can get a mattress pad full of magnets. Yeah, I am doing everything else she did, and those are the only two things that I am not doing. I am getting tired of this fight, but I am not going to stop!! God is still bigger than any cancer that comes my way and I am claiming the victory now!!!!!!!!!

It is funny, I was feeling discouraged today, then I went to see my friend and now I feel fine :) It is great to see God bring things together and give me hope. I love how He loves me and takes care of me!! Soooooo, I am getting enzymes, herbs, probiotics, oxygen, vitamins, coffee enemas, and now I will be sucking the muck out of my body through my feet and sleeping in a magnetic field. Whew! I feel tired already!! Well, I go see the evil oncologist tomorrow.....I guess I better start saying some prayers now, so I won't say something mean. LOL!!

Blog #28

I went to St. Thomas today for a bone scan and a CT scan. I hate CT scans and the nasty stuff they make you drink!! It all seemed to go well and I am feeling very optimistic about what God is going to do. I have had my ovaries out for two months so everything I am doing is going directly against the cancer. It makes me feel very optimistic. But I still don't trust my oncologist with whatever news I will receive on Thursday when I see him, so I am going to call my primary care physician and see if he can get my results and let me know what they were. I have a feeling even if everything has shrunk he will say there is still evidence of growth and that I need to start chemo. So I want the opinion of my doctor who is a Christian and actually wants to help me. It is hard to consider even looking at my oncologist again, let alone hearing him give me results like he cares when I know he does not.

But, I have been enjoying my week off of hyperbaric dives. I have been working around the house and cleaning out closets and the garage. It has felt great to get some things clean!! I cleaned out my closet of all my fat clothes.....and 18 trash bags later....I don't know what in the world I am going to wear this winter!!! It is truly a pleasant problem that I will have fun remedying. To go from a size 20 to a 12 and have the 12's be loose, it's hysterical!! My behind is gone!! I don't remember the last time I had that problem! :) (sigh) I can live without one of those since I have had one the whole first half of my life!! LOL!! Ninety-nine cent Wednesday's at Goodwill are really starting to look good. I only have three pair of jeans that are the right size so I have been checking out Goodwill every week. So far, three dollars for three pair of jeans, not bad!!

Any who...on to bed after enzymes, herbs, vitamins, etc..... I won't stop till they tell me it's all gone! Even then I won't ever be able to go back to the way things were. I've learned too much to go back now. Life is funny isn't it? How things come into our life, how it changes us and we are never the same. I have taken what I've learned out of necessity and seen the value and truth of it, knowing it has gone against everything I have ever learned or been taught. Now I find myself telling others because truth is truth and others need to hear it....sounds like salvation doesn't it? Well, I pray that my scans were positive so that I may continue telling others the "truth". But you know what? It is all in God's hands anyways. If He wants to take me home He can and I will be happy to go. I just pray for the opportunity to continue here for a little while longer, there is so much I want to do for Him. But He does know what's best! And I'm thankful.

Blog # 27

Okay, went to see the evil oncologist on Thursday........and it was quite enjoyable!! My unsupportive husband came with me and it was great! I didn't talk until the very end and it was great to watch him squirm....tee! hee! He went right into wanting me to do chemo but my husband reminded him that he said it really wouldn't help. Then reminded him that he stated that when my ovaries were out it should stop the growth since it was estrogen that was making my cancer grow. He stuttered quite a bit. But my favorite was when he recommended another pill that is a blocker not chemo and my husband said he would like to take that info back to our primary care physician and have him look over it for us then help us decide if that is something we would like to do....there was silence. It was wonderful!!

He actually told us that he knew I wouldn't be dead by next summer he was just trying to scare me!! What in the world?!! Scare me into taking his treatments?! It just made me mad as fire!!! After we got the info on the pill he wants me to take he didn't come back into the room he sent a nurse to let us know all the disclaimers that come with it. There was a whole page of disclaimers and they were identical to when I was on chemo...... hair loss, nausea, fatigue, damage to my nail beds, possible liver damage, heart damage, etc. It was truly a joke. If this just affected my cancer cells it would be fine, but it will affect everything else! How does that help me? It even had in the warnings (and they were three pages long!!!!!) that I had to be careful with what supplements and vitamins that I take because it might counteract the pills. Okay, am I the only one that sees a problem with this?!

Needless to say, my husband and I will not be pursuing this means of treatment, but we did get him to admit that I should be having scans quite frequently and he should have already set one up for me since I got out of the hospital. I am excited about that! I don't have my ovaries in so everything I have been doing should really have been making a difference. I will let everyone know as soon as I know when the scans will be.

Even though he was changing his tune in front of my husband, I still don't like the guy. He really acts like he can bully me and then explain it off because he was trying to help. That is soooo wrong!!!

On the positive side.....I am feeling great!!! I don't have pain anywhere except for my neck and it is very minimal. Only when I turn to far and I am able to turn my head really well without much pain at all!! I don't have bone pain, just muscle and I am starting to wonder if it is more due to radiation than the tumor. Before radiation it was very painful in the muscle and bone, now it is no bone, and very little muscle.

God is sooooooooo Good!! Until later!!

Blog # 26

I am starting to believe that my oncologist wants me to die! He got irate with me and told me if I didn't take his chemo pills that I would be dead in six months!! Then he told me that my husband didn't support me and that he didn't even care enough to call him back! It made for a very irritating day to say the least! Who does he think he is to plant that thought in my mind? He has no clue what I do everyday to survive this cancer!!!!!! Then he had the unmitigated gall to call me after I left to recommend another pill I could take, not CHEMO, that should do just as well. Hmmmmmmm.......let me seee....... if I don't take the chemo pills I will die, but there is this other pill that should work pretty well!! Sounds like a cheesy used car salesman trick to me!! Take this or die!! Oh, by the way, something else might work......It made for a rough day. One of my dearest friends said, "let's show him what support really is!! Let's all go in on your next visit!! There won't be enough room for all of your support, husband included!!" Amen to that, sister!!

But I am thankful that I went to dive after that horrible visit! I got to the clinic and told my N.D.'s (natural doctor's) what had happened and they prayed over me. I was so thankful that I was there with doctors that love me and care about me and love God. There really aren't words to describe how that made me feel. I just realize that I want to tell people about them and support them as much as I can! Maybe the Lord will allow me to share with others as much as I can to bring in people who need them. I pray I can.

On the flip side a long time friend is coming in to visit this weekend and I can't wait to see her!! I have known her for 25yrs and it will be sooooo good to see her and not think about all this mental stress!! Definitely makes for a good weekend! Ahhhhh!

I guess I'll go take my herbs, vitamins, ozone, etc.....then go to bed. LOL!!

Blog # 25

Do you ever feel like every where you look that the devil is trying to get in and mess things up? That is totally how I feel today and it is driving me crazy!!! My neck is hurting and I can't tell if it is just from transition or if it is bad, I am tired with toooo much mental stress, Ben is tired from three different sides and my kids are even tired. Talk about feeling beaten down!! We have a lot going on right now and it makes it hard to "concentrate on getting better" which is what everyone is telling me to do. Can they do it? That is all I want to know! They say this like it is the most easy thing in the world to do.....but if they were sitting in my shoes, they would see that it is not. Some days it is almost an audible reminder that I need..." I am fighting CANCER!!! And don't you forget it!!!!!"

I need to go to bed I am too tired and I might not make sense.... Goodnight everyone, I need some sleep :)