Blog : #9

Ok, I need to share some humor today and I know it is of a sensitive nature, but please laugh with me!

I have gone through the whole gambit with this breast cancer and today I have had my last "procedure". I had to go to Nashville early this morning to get my tattoos. Now let me explain. Since having chemo, a bilateral mastectomy, reconstructive surgery, radiation, more reconstructive surgery, and finally nipple reconstruction I have reached my final step to looking completely normal again. Tattoos. That is tattoos on my skin where nipples should be to make it look like normal.

Because of the sensitive nature of this procedure I thought it a good idea to talk to one of the technicians at the clinic before I did my hyperbaric dive. Since it is ink and A&D ointment on my skin and the chamber forces oxygen into your body, I didn't want to do anything that could harm me. So....I gave one of the tech's a call. I told him briefly of the situation and explained that I had just acquired two "tattoos" and if I would be okay to take a dive. He said he would check it out and see what was in the ointment before I got there.

Well, I arrived and he wasn't there yet so I took my time, procrastinated....then could wait no longer and went to the other tech and started to get into a chamber. I truly believed I wouldn't have to share my sensitive situation with anyone else, when low and behold I received a phone call that my daughter ran in to tell me the tech had said to wait till he could talk to me. Well he called the other tech's phone and told him to hold up on me getting in then asked to talk to me. So, trying to be discreet I walked out of the room and answered his questions....how big are the tattoos? do you have gauze covering them? not much A&D ointment? etc....

So, I walk back over to the tech and hand his phone back and go to get into the chamber and tell him I can go ahead and start. He just looks at me.....waiting......(here it comes...)" Is everything ok?"

Well, now I have to explain. (I didn't want to go here just because of the awkwardness of it all!!) So in trying to explain, and I'm thinking it is obvious, he says, "oh, you got tattoos?"

I reply, "Yes, I needed them to complete my whole process of reconstruction." (This should explain everything)

Tech: "So where did you get them?"

Me: "Ummm, after my reconstruction, I needed them to look normal again." (ok, now he get's it!)

Tech: "So where did you get them?"

Me: (AHHHHHH!) (tapping chest) "I needed them to look normal after surgery...."

Tech: OHHH! uhh, ok, yeah, I have uh,, I understand.

Me: (Yes! Finally, now I can dive and not have to face this anymore!!)

One hour and fifteen minutes later.....

My other tech has arrived (the one I called discreetly) and he helps me out. And as I'm climbing out he says with a smile, "So, where'd you get them?"

Me: (ok, He didn't get it!) "Umm, after my surgery and reconstruction I needed tattoos to complete the appearance."

2nd tech: "so where did you get them?"

Me: (okay, this is crazy!!) (tapping chest again...) "I needed tattoos to look normal after recontruction"

2nd tech: "Ohhhhh! (flush) Okay!"

Me: (ok, i'm out and no more questions!) Yeah, it's been a long year and I'm glad that I'm done with all of that."

Dr. #1 : "Hey girl, where are those tattoos?" (the two techs "no, no...you don't want to ask about them")

Me: (okay, I'm done with subtle!) "Uh, they are for me to look normal..

Dr. #1: (interjecting) Where are they? (laughing)

(the other to techs are raising their voices, "no, you don't want to know!"

Me: (Grrrr!) My breasts. So I will look normal after surgery.

Dr. #1: Oh!!!! I forgot, okay, okay, uh....

Dr. #2: (walks in smiling) Let me see those tattoos girl!"

(All the guys yelling...."NO")

Me: " I got nipples tattooed on me so I can look normal after my bilateral mastectomy.

Dr#2: (eyes bug out) Oh, um sorry, uh, yeah, that's right, that's right.

Subject change!! Me: So my dive went well and I am feeling good...

They were never so happy to change the subject!! Lol!!

Can someone laugh with me!!!???

On the flip side, that was my last step to complete my year of terror! Yay!!!!!